The energies have been very intense since I last posted. July brought in much pain and some sudden changes. I am undergoing a rebirth. I have been delving into the pain to discover how it was my own self-betrayal that was being mirrored back to me all along through the betrayals of my twin flame and others.
I struggled with the betrayal I felt. The pain forced me to delve deep. There are gifts in that pain. I discovered how I give my power away to others…how I abandon myself in relationships by placing others before myself…valuing others more than myself…placing their well-being ahead of my own. I was disconnected from my own intuition. My intuition was trying to get my attention, but I was ignoring it. I wasn’t living in the “Now”. I was living in my head by living in the future…what would or could be, but wasn’t happening right now. This had been causing me so much pain.
The pain kicked me into committing to doing my inner child journaling on a more regular basis, and reclaiming more time to focus on my inner work. I have been going deeper, and in the process, I am starting to uncover some core beliefs that have been attracting relationships that bring me pain and frustration. I realized that my twin’s emotional unavailability and physical absence was showing up because I have a core belief that men are emotionally unavailable or that I am not deserving of an emotionally available man. This was my experience growing up with my father. My father was an excellent breadwinner and a generous man; however, he was emotionally unavailable and often physically absent as well. The physical absence showed up in many of my relationships as well. Others often weren’t there for me when I really needed them.
My personal life and work have been undergoing changes as I am reclaiming my power and my worth. I am focusing on my inner work and the restoration of my true self. One of the benefits of the inner work I have done since I started this twin flame journey is that I am seeing an improvement in the relationship with my mom in the last couple of months. She is showing up. She is keeping her promise, and I am happy to have arrived at this place with her ❤
Here is an interesting article on self-betrayal: