There was a time early on in my journey after having met my twin flame, when I believed he was a narcissist. I was like the boy in The Sixth Sense…except instead of seeing “dead people”, I saw narcissists everywhere. As I did more and more inner work, and explored why this was showing up in my space, I began to understand that these people weren’t “narcissists” in the clinical sense. Like me, these people had experienced trauma in their childhoods, and had adopted different addictions to help them escape and avoid the pain of the trauma in order to survive. Most anything can be an addiction if it is used to avoid pain. There are many common addictions like food, cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, sex, relationships, shopping, spending, control, external validation, exercise…to name a few. No addiction will squash the pain for long, which is why addictions often take over a person’s life until they can stop and face the pain head on. Addictions are often maintained at the expense of relationships.
Now, how is narcissism or narcissistic behaviour linked to trauma and addiction? Trauma sets the stage for addiction, and then addiction bit by bit becomes the focus of a person’s life, which looks like narcissism, because as addiction progresses, it requires more and more of that substance or activity to keep the pain at bay. A person’s active addiction displays itself in narcissistic behaviours that are aimed at obtaining the addictive hit…whatever that may be, and at whatever cost.
It took me a long time to realize that my twin flame’s narcissistic behaviours and the narcissistic behaviours of others really had nothing to do with me…they weren’t personal. They were just the symptoms of a traumatized inner child in need of healing.
I received a gift from the angels who presented themselves on my path who were in the throws of addiction. They forced me to look inward and see how I avoided my own pain by focusing on others’ behaviour. I often placed others’ needs ahead of my own. This gave me temporary relief from my pain. I sought external validation…seeking love and a sense of self worth from others for what I did for them. I didn’t know that I was lovable and worthy because I exist. I had created my own suffering. It took me a long time to realize that it was my inner child I was trying to rescue…the one who desperately needed a loving adult to care for her back then and now. They helped me realize that I need to be my own best friend…to go within…to listen to and trust myself…to turn and face the pain instead of handing my power over to others…that the love I am looking for is within.
Inner work and the dark night of the soul can seem lonely, when we turn inward and face the pain. Be kind with yourself, and take all the time you need to go within. You are the love you are looking for ❤
I would like to recommend Tian Dayton’s book Trauma And Addiction.
Another good book on childhood trauma is: After The Tears.
A Twin Flame Self Love Journey 