I see my mother’s behaviours of emotional unavailability mirrored by my twin. Her incessant talking about herself and endless detail. I was forced to sit and listen and validate, not exchange or create an emotional bond. My twin does this as well. He talks on and on about himself, his work, his interests…and if I try to relate or engage, he cuts the conversation short or redirects it to himself. We often talk and I ask how he is, but he rarely reciprocates and asks me how I am. Like her, he often ignores my attempts to talk about things that are important and emotional in nature. They both stay away from the deeper, more important topics.
I have always had an uneasy feeling when communicating with them. It feels empty, alienating. It feels like disconnect…no depth…no mutual understanding or rapport. It’s like they talk at you for validation. And I was taught to tolerate this, be polite. As a child, this was my normal.
Another way my mother did this was by always being busy…cleaning, cooking, and her perfectionism. My twin mirrors this in his workaholism, his perfectionism, and his involvement with other women. It always feels like there’s not enough quality time. It feels lonely being in relationship with them.
I have been attracted to many emotionally unavailable partners, most often they had addictions. I am healing more and more everyday. I am uncovering my childhood wounds and placing them into healing. I am choosing me…keeping my promise to my inner child to love and protect her…to keep her safe and loved ❤️
Here are two excellent videos by Alan Robarge about emotional unavailability:
A Twin Flame Self Love Journey 